Okay, I know this is a very dramatic title, but hear me out. My first visit to Parc Asterix took place in September 2021 and it was, erm... not great. I am very much a park open - park close kinda girl, especially when it comes to a new park of this scale, but on that first trip, I'd had enough and was queuing for the bus four hours before closing time. Not only that, but I was so stressed throughout the day that by the time I left I was nursing a migraine and some intense stomach cramps. But that's another story. What was clear to me on that visit was that should I return to the park on a calmer day, it could be somewhere I would truly fall in love with. And you know what? I was spot on. On a much calmer spring Monday, I was able to return to the park and see just how bright it could shine.
What I didn't know until the week before was that just two days before my booked visit, Tonnerre 2 Zeus would finally open to the public in its completed form. Over the past two closed seasons, Tonnerre de Zeus, the park's only wooden rollercoaster, had been transformed (see here for more on that!). During my first visit I was able to ride the partially altered coaster and thought it was very, very good, so my excitement for riding the finished product - and the new trains - was sky high. Anticipating long waits for the freshly unveiled ride, I did my research and discovered that the Filotomatix speedy access system went on sale for the day at 8 am (two hours before the park was due to open). Thus 8 am found me sitting in my hotel room loading up the app. I purchased two rides for 8 euro each (£6.60 at the time of writing) which I think is very good value for the newest ride and the speed with which the park board their Filotomatix guests (I've used several and have always been on the next train).
So, Filotomatix's in hand it was time to head to the park. As a hotel guest, I was able to enter the park at 09:15 ready for early access to rides from 09:30. With the morning's early access rides including Pegase Express and Discobelix, my game plan was to get them both done and head straight to Zeus, beating the day guests to the rope-drop queue. Alas! The first part of the plan went brilliantly, I made it to the first ride of the day on Discobelix and what a ride it was too! Though surely the most beautiful Zamperla Disk'O coaster (in Europe at least, I've got my eye on you Riddler Revolution), my previous ride on it didn't wow me - it didn't even rotate! But this time the disc was in full working order and the ride provided a huge splashdown effect every time it crossed the hump and reached the lake - amazing!
Getting on the first Discobelix ride meant I arrived in the Pegase queue in good time. I was so happy to have this ride in the early access line-up. It's one of my favourite attractions at the park and one of the best family coasters I've ridden! The queue for Pegase was surprisingly long, far longer than I expected, and I was anxiously checking my watch as I boarded the train at 09:55. As I speed-walked out of the station after a lovely, if pretty slow ride, I could see the first wave of day guests rushing down the path, heading - where else - to Zeus. But they (and I) need not have bothered. The ride was down. Of course it was down. With engineers walking along the tracks, it didn't look like a ride that was gonna start hauling any time soon so I let it lie and headed instead to my favourite coaster in the park: the mighty OzIris.
I managed to get three rides in a row on this beauty - including a front row - in the space of half an hour. As a Brit, it feels traitorous to place any B&M Invert higher than Nemesis in my rankings, but this ride just truly has it all. That final Zero-G roll in particular is nothing less than magic.
One bucket list Parc Asterix experience that I sadly didn't get to enjoy on my first visit was the opportunity to ride in Obelix's butt on the carousel. Reader, I am happy to say that I was able to ride in this most illustrious of vehicles this time. What I was unprepared for however was the popularity of this seat. With just one family group in front of me, I headed to the back as this first group were obviously headed straight for the Obelix at the front of the ride. Immediately upon sitting down inside the second Obelix, a family climbed up and squeezed on in there with me. To top it off, as the ride began the music failed to play. So for a few minutes, I got to sit inside Obelix with a French family, serenaded by just the creaking of an old carousel. The most awkward ride experience of my life.
Another attraction that I didn't get around to doing previously was L'Aventure Asterix. From the name and the photo on the website, I assumed that this would be a dark ride. Oops! It was instead a charming museum charting the history of the comics. Understandably all the information here was in French which meant I didn't spend too long looking around, but I did love this interactive map of the park. At the bottom is a panel of buttons, each with the title of a different Asterix comic alongside. When a button is pressed, the area of the park that is themed to that comic lights up on the map - how cool is that?! This would be a great feature in any park that integrates varying stories or IPs!
At this point, it was approaching lunchtime and after checking and refreshing the app all day, finally, the time had come. Tonnerre 2 Zeus was in operation. I quickly scrapped all other plans and speed-walked my way over to the back of the park toward the towering statue of Zeus himself, and the equally imposing coaster looming behind him. It was time. I scanned in my Filotomatix and got straight on to the next train. Even better, I was placed in the back-row. 8 euros very well spent. Throughout the day, I was able to get two more rides on Zeus, another in the back row and a final ride in the front row (I got very lucky!) So, thoughts?
In my opinion, Zeus is a front-row ride. Of course, that's all down to personal preference, with the back rows loaded with ejector airtime whilst the front leans more toward floater, though there was still plenty of ejector to be had. I found the front offered a more exhilarating-but-graceful experience whilst the back was pure insanity. Also, the front definitely provides the best experience when it comes to the two story elements. Dropping into that monstrous mouth on the first drop feels incredible and as the first people to enter the final tunnel you get a face full of smoke, providing more atmosphere than is available at the rear of the train. It is also a ride that warms up well, with my first ride leaving me slightly in doubt, especially when it comes to pacing, but an absolutely mad ride later in the day left the coaster sitting proudly in my top ten. In regards to the backwards seat at the rear of the train... well, that's something you will never catch me riding. This isn't a rough coaster by any metric, but it does have the rattle found on any good wooden coaster as well as a few lateral-heavy transitions that I would worry about experiencing backwards. But hey, each to their own! The love and pride that has gone into the ride's regeneration is clear, especially as the park has left a segment of the old track remaining, with an old train even held in place atop it! Seeing this as I ascended the lift hill made me a little bit emotional, even having never ridden the original (untouched) attraction. Asterix have done an incredible job with this ride. Roll on Toutatis next year!
With my first ride on Zeus complete, there was nothing I wanted more than a better look at the ride. Thankfully, a unique opportunity for an unparalleled view was just a short walk away. L'Aérolaf is an elevated bar, in which you may purchase a drink for the opportunity to strap in and be lifted 30 metres (115 ft) in the air for panoramic views across the park. L'Aérolaf is also bloody terrifying. What I was blissfully unaware of when purchasing my tequila sunrise (9.90€, very strong and served in a souvenir cup) was that this 'ride vehicle' was floorless. Only once I was wearing my small seatbelt and lifting into the sky did it become apparent just how scary this experience would be.
For most of the time at the top, I barely even touched my drink. The table is furnished with holes designed to hold your cup securely and honestly, I was most comfortable when my drink was safe in there where I couldn't drop it over 100ft down. Even handling my phone, I had a vice-like grip on it at all times and probably would have kept it stashed away if the lovely operator hadn't asked if I wanted photos. So, thank you to him for this photo of me trying to look a lot more chill than I felt!
On the bright side, the drink was lovely and I got the incredible views I was hoping for over Zeus and the rest of the park. Honestly, despite the horrifying heights I really enjoyed my time at the great bar in the sky. A unique experience that gets you away from the manic energy of the park for a short while? That's a thumbs up from me!
Speaking of fear, I'd been anxious to catch Gaulois - Romains: Le Match, a show housed in an enormous coliseum in the heart of the park. From the title and picture in the park guide, I'd imagined some sort of large-scale battle... thing? Now I'm trying to describe it, I don't really know what I had imagined. But it sure as heck wasn't a game show in which the two teams perform silly tasks to win points. At one point the contestants were just circling the arena on hoverboards (those little wheely board things, no actual hovering alas) and I was wondering what the heck was going on. But for someone with a very rudimental understanding of the French language, it was the segments between these that were the true horror show. These skits involved a presenter running into the crowd armed with a microphone and a video camera, with the chosen audience member's voice and face being projected for everyone to see. I am not exaggerating when I say my palms were sweating waiting for my utterly bemused face to appear on the screen. Thankfully, I escaped with my dignity intact and a resolve never to watch this show again.
Being my second visit and a comparatively calm weekday, I was able to take the park at a much slower pace and experience lots of the supporting attractions such as the wonderful chariots that take you on an extremely scenic tour of the centre of the park, character meets, walk-throughs (I loved Asterix's village - look at those fish!) and photo-ops. What struck me was the quality of each of these smaller attractions. Even the Throne of Thor photo opportunity featured smoke, sound effects and a moving seat! With time to explore, this park is an absolute delight.
Before ending the day with a (glorious) final ride on Zeus, I wrapped things up with a late lunch from Caius Pizzarium. I'll be honest, given this is France I can't be 100% certain that the cheese on their pizza was vegetarian, but sometimes in other countries I just settle for the best I can get. What I can say however is that the pizza was large (I ended up wrapping some up for later) and really strong for a theme park. I grabbed the three cheese pizza meal deal, which with a can of coke zero (come on Asterix, I know for a fact that France has Diet Coke now) cost 12.90€, not horrific for a decent size pizza.
This trip taught me a lot, primarily how much joy a return visit to a park can be. With the stress of getting on all the headliners dealt with on my first visit, I was free to meander the park at a slower pace and give this park the love and attention it so deserves. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I'll be back again, hopefully for a day as joyous as this!
Speak again soon,
Claire
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