I'm frankly at a loss for where I should start this blog post. How do I even begin to describe my first visit to Phantasialand? Magic. That'll do. Pure magic, the sort that only a theme park created with such love and intricacy can provide. I've got a feeling that this may be a bit of a long post, so seat belts on and please pull on the yellow strap, because we are about to head off on a tour around the themed areas of what is surely one of the greatest theme parks on earth.
Berlin (inc. Rookburgh)
Berlin is essentially the Main Street of Phantasialand. Once you step through the (not so grand) entrance, you are welcomed by the beautiful, manicured streets of the nation's capital. Here you will find classic attractions such as a double-decker carousel (so large I managed to finally score my first ever ride on a top deck) and a gorgeous chair-o-plane themed to look like a monumental water fountain. On top of the attractions, the streets are lined with restaurants and shops - including an absolutely wild patisserie - complete with al fresco dining.
Here I rode my very first attraction at Phantasialand, Maus au Chocolat, and a very strong start it was. As the park's headline dark ride, this was one of my most anticipated attractions and it didn't disappoint. The queue line was wonderous, taking us on a behind-the-scenes tour of a bakery. As we ventured deeper into the bakery, the air began to smell increasingly of chocolate and in a good way too, no disgusting M&M's World chocolate smell here! Eventually, we reached the station, where beautiful ride vehicles - the same style as used in Toy Story Midway Mania - were waiting. These vehicles had shelves on the side overflowing with baking equipment as well as sneaky stowaway mice perched in a different place on each car. With piping bags as shooters, we were tasked with bringing down the hoards of mice plaguing the bakery. As much as shooting melted chocolate at mice goes against a lot of what I stand for, this was ridiculous fun. My favourite scene - of many, it's a really long ride - was one in which mice use napkins as parachutes, what's not to love about that? An utterly charming shooter.
The other highlight for me within the land was Hotel Tartuffe. We stumbled into this attraction completely clueless, and what a delightful break from the ordinary this was! Tartuffe is essentially a fun house, packed with just about every obstacle you'd expect in a similar fun fair attraction but obviously finished to a higher level. Our batch of guests was almost entirely adults and it felt joyous to be encouraged - as an adult - to play. More of this please!
And then there's Rookburgh.
Berlin's industrial zone, Rookburgh is a masterpiece in themed design. This is steampunk; with an emphasis on steam. As guests at Hotel Charles Lindbergh, we were given free roam of the land from 20:30 - 00:00 and, with so many little details to see, I can't think of many lands that I'd rather be let loose on.
So, what of its headline (well, only) attraction? The world's first launched - and longest - flying coaster. Well. There are many, many reasons to be grateful for F.L.Y.'s intense loose article policy - free in-queue lockers and metal detectors are mandatory - not only does it leave the wonderous, ridiculous land of Rookburgh completely unspoiled by nets, but it also means that - to my knowledge - there are no F.L.Y. POVs out there. This gives F.L.Y. that rarest of things, the element of surprise. I'm going to refrain from in-depth spoilers here except to say that the additional attention given to the beginning of the ride really helps turn this from a coaster in to a fully themed experience. The coaster itself? I mean, what a perfect name F.L.Y. is. I'm no connoisseur of flying coasters - my repertoire now consists of F.L.Y., Galactica and Manta - but this is the closest I've come to truly feeling like I was flying. The coaster was graceful, joyous and I mean, you don't need me to tell you how much it interacts with that land. It also had a ridiculous amount of airtime. Airtime?! On a flying coaster?! Who knew! So that's the good, now for the not so good... this was not a comfortable experience. Predominantly it was my chest that suffered. As well as being squished in to the restraints immediately as a result of the ride position, the forces throughout the ride pushed me deeper in to the restraint. The discomfort built up over time, so whilst I wasn't perfectly comfortable at the start, I wouldn't say I was in pain, but by the end I was very relieved to reach the brake run. Perhaps being the world's longest flyer isn't necessarily a good thing. And whilst this pain was manageable mid-train (I rode rows 5 and 8), in front-row it was quite unbearable, with the moments of airtime that offered my chest temporary relief being the only thing to keep me going. I don't want to dunk too hard on the ride's creators - I know absolutely nothing of the process after all - but it's actually quite depressing that modern coasters are being designed without taking female anatomy in to account. Come on guys.
Mystery (inc. Klugheim)
As much as I adored Rookburgh, my heart truly lies in Klugheim.
What makes Klugheim truly special for me - as well as the truly insane rockwork - is the opportunity for exploration. This is a land that exists across multiple different levels, with bridges and narrow staircases forming part of the essential routes throughout the land. There are of course wide walkways where required, but on the whole the land feels intimate and real. In many theme park lands, it feels as though the land is built and then themed, somewhat Rollercoaster Tycoon style, pop some rides and shops down then whack a bit of theming on. Not here. Klugheim feels like it's been dug out of the rock face, that attractions and dining have been shoehorned in wherever the landscape would allow. It's an astonishing feat - as astonishing as it's headline attraction.
I always get nervy riding legendary attractions for fear of disappointment, but Taron - a multi-launch coaster revered internationally - certainly didn't let me down. Quite the opposite, for the first time on a coaster I found myself in tears of joy mid-ride. This coaster takes everything I just praised about Klugheim and utilises them in a way that feels nothing less than insane. The way this coaster dived throughout the land, dipping through gaps in the rock work blew my mind. The best example of this, and the best moment of the ride in my opinion, is the second launch. As well as being powerful as heck - that sound - the launch is aimed directly at a solid wall of rock. There's nowhere to go but up! And so up you go, twisting through what feels like a gap in the rock that simply cannot be big enough. These moments all came as a complete surprise to me too, with Taron's masses of track engulfing the entirety of Klugheim it's nearly impossible to figure out the ride's route before riding.
Whilst my first ride was magnificent, it was nothing compared to the front row. With a mind to simply trying to experience as many of the park's attractions as possible on this first visit, we thought we might not be able to experience a front-row ride but thankfully the separate queue had only a few guests in come late afternoon. Friends, even if the front-row line is backed up please consider the wait regardless, because my god is it special. That feeling of speed is insane. So insane that my ears were popping like mad throughout the ride. Not only that but having an uninterrupted view of the rock as you dip and dive is magnificent. We were also able to grab a back-row ride but honestly, I didn't notice much of an enhanced experience here compared to mid-train. Wherever you sit, the ride offers some mad ejector airtime so I wouldn't fuss too much about trying to score that back row. The only negative thing I can say about this ride is that in my six rides, I did have one that had a substantial rattle. I didn't leave with a headache or anything, but it was definitely less enjoyable than my other five silk-smooth rides. My assumption is that the wheels (or something else) of one train were reaching the end of their lifespan, as it was very clearly a train-dependent issue. They were running four (on a quiet day!) after all.
Before arriving at the park, I'd actually forgotten that Klugheim is home to a second coaster: the family boomerang Raik. I'll admit to feeling a little bit sour when we rode this. As soon as we stepped into Klugheim, Taron had gone down so instead of being on one of the world's most iconic rollercoasters, there I was on the family boomerang that ran alongside it. But yano what? This was bloody lovely. Maybe it was the hot day or the back row but this had some force for a family boomerang! Combine that with audio on the lift hill, a train that smokes when in the station and a layout that utilises the landscape almost as well as its older brother and you've got a winner in my book!
On the walk into River Quest, a sign warns riders that they may get wet. A pretty standard-issue sign, it warns that all riders exit the ride in one of three states: dry, soaked or drenched to the skin. Okay, so hands up anyone who has come off of this ride dry. Seriously, anyone? Because frankly I do not see how it is possible. My ride on this utterly ridiculous raft ride was hilarious, in no small part due to the fact that in my full boat, only one person had (clearly) ridden before. This was yet another ride filled with surprises, but as I don't think these are as tightly guarded I will talk a little more about them (turn away now, purists!) So, this raft ride begins with an elevator lift. Already pretty wild for rapids, but when you reach the top of the lift and your fate becomes apparent? God, that was some reveal. Reader, as we pulled to stop and I saw the size and angle of the drop I was about to descend, my jaw fell to the floor and let out a howl. The same was true of everyone else in the boat, everyone but the one woman who had clearly ridden before. Her face cracked in to a huge smile as she watched everyone's reaction. God, I hope I get to be her one day. So anyway, we slid down this ridiculous drop (the first of many) and as we hit the bottom I was thrown wildly from my seat as a veritable tidal wave entered the raft. This was much the theme for the rest of the ride, with drops and waves galore. Just another utterly ridiculous ride.
Not a part of Klugheim, but also in the Mystery area is Mystery Castle, an enclosed drop tower. This was sadly quite a disappointment for me, though I know it has its fans. Whilst the queue line was incredibly themed - it reminded me of Forbidden Journey, particularly the potions room - the drop was relatively forceless and the effects during the ride were minimal. The building is gorgeous though.
Fantasy (inc. Wuze Town)
The fantasy area of the park is just absolutely me to a tee. Consisting of the larger-than-it-looks, indoor Wuze Town as well as a cluster of family attractions around a tree-lined lake, this is a wonderland of nature-inspired architecture and whimsical creatures. The lake houses several water-based attractions including pedalos (styled like fantastical birds, of course) and a splash battle that currently operates as a relaxing boat ride. This is definitely the area to come to when you feel the need to break away from the rest of the park, and adds a much-needed natural touch.
I tried to leave myself as many surprises as possible across the park, but one of the rides I purposely avoided any content about was Winjas. I'd heard there was a little something special to these Maurer spinners, but didn't have a clue what it would be! (Spoilers ahead!)
Our first Winjas was Force, the twistier of the two. As I said, I'd expected a surprise, but this ride kept on giving right until the final moment. As we ascended the elevator lift, I thought 'hey, that's a cool surprise, but nothing earth-shattering', and begun - slightly disappointed - to traverse the main coaster section, filled with hairpins and dips around the wonderful Wuze Town. Then we paused. As the train halted, I wondered what on earth was going to happen. The track tilted - it actually tilted! Who knew tilt coasters were already a thing?! As we were pulling in to the station, my partner went to joke, saying 'here comes the final surprise!' and just as he said so, the track beneath us bounced! Madness! Fear was actually my favourite of the two, featuring similar tricks but with the tilt being horizontal and also a seemingly more intense layout. I just can't believe these opened in 2002. They were so madly ahead of their time, and remain ridiculously fun today.
Sadly, they weren't the only coasters in the land.
Urgh, Crazy Bats. Of every attraction in the park, this is the only one I would never, ever ride again. This is a lengthy indoor family coaster 'enhanced' with VR. To be fair to Crazy Bats, the VR itself is impressive with some nice animation showing the misadventures of a group of bats, bats who reminded me of Bartok from Anastasia. However, there is nothing more nausea-inducing than a ride whos visuals do not align with its motion. I'm pretty resiliant when it comes to motion sickness, but this ride got me good. The trouble is, this is not a smooth coaster. If it were smooth, perhaps the headset would have stayed put. But with a relatively jerky ride experience my headset was bouncing around like a frog who'd just downed an espresso. With the visuals jerking around, it wasn't long until I was begging to the ride to end. It did not. Three lift hils! Three damn lift hills of pain. I truly thought it would never end. My favourite part was actually the little conveyor belt that returned the headsets at the end of the ride, now that was neat.
Mexico
As a land, Mexico feels a little squidged in. Stuck between the grand architecture of China Town and the mud walls of Deep in Africa, colourful flags strung above you are a sign that you've once again hopped over to the other side of the world. In this small corner of the land (sort-of, the entrance is at the back of China Town) lies Colorado Express. I think that years of Big Thunder and it's smaller imitators have led me in to a false sense of security when it comes to mine trains. They are not just the fun-for-all low-thrill joy rides that family parks would have you believe. Some of them are straight-up maniacal. None more so than Colorado Express. For our first ride we skipped straight to the back, looking to squeeze every crumb of airtime we could from the kiddie coaster. What a ridiculous choice. For almost the entire duration my body was being launched. If I wasn't slamming from side to side like a ragdoll, I was being thrown in the air - and for a lengthy section I couldn't even see what was coming, having been plunged in to pure darkness. We rode a second time mid-train in hope of a slightly milder ride, to no avail. No matter where you sit, you're guaranteed an absolutely ridiculous ride - and all entwined beautifully within the land. Glorious. And that's not even the land's headliner...
Located in the heart of an incredible Mexican vista, is Chiapas. Another absolute soaker of a water ride, Chiapas is - like so much in this park - a classic ride type, taken, twisted and made more fun than you could have imagined. The boats here had adjustable lap bars, not something I'd seen on a flume before and a fair indicator of the wildness of the coming journey. Once again this is a ride that plays with expectations, changing direction or elevation at the drop of a hat. Whilst the final drop was nothing less than spectacular - steep, fast and surrounded by beautiful terrain - my favourite part was one of the dark ride scenes, in which a series of skulls are lit with rainbow lighting and seem to be throwing a party. Honestly, shove a disco on a ride and you know I'll love it.
Wanting to round off our experience of the park, I made sure we caught one of the shows on offer. There were three during our visit, each with quite lengthy run-times so we only caught one; the half-hour Rock on Ice. As you may have guessed, this was an ice skating show performed to a series of rock songs. It was corny as hell and I loved every moment. When I say they set fire to that ice, I mean it metaphorically but also literally. They literally set that ice on fire, the maniacs.
China Town
Based on attractions alone, China Town was definitely my least favourite of the park's lands. Feng Ju Palace, a Vekoma madhouse, is it's centrepiece and as someone with very little German, the screen-based pre-show felt overlong, tiresome and below the level of the park. The madhouse too didn't offer anything particularly special. One of the few rides in the park I wouldn't rush to re-ride. The land's other attraction in Geister Rikscha, a Chinese-mythology based dark ride that I expected to enjoy far more than I did. This just didn't click with me sadly. That's not to write off the land as a whole. It's architecture is astonishing, and the land feels deep, extending in to Hotel Ling Bao. The food here was really tasty too. With just he German word for vegetarian, I was able to obtain a large box of vegetable noodles - phew!
Deep in Africa
Our final (new) ride of day one, my first ride on Black Mamba was an end-of-day front-row which meant I had a bloody wonderful time. On my ride, this thing was hauling and hitting those corkscrews with aggression. Back-row was even more forceful, lordy this thing MOVES. Sure, it's layout may not be at the top of my B&M list but I still had a blast swerving between those buldings and I'm just a sucker for an invert. Except from this coaster however, there's not an awful lot to see in Deep in Africa. I adored the design of the place, especially some of the murals, though the whole land just felt very quiet. Maybe it's better on busier days!
Something that really struck me as we wandered around the park was the volume, variety and quality of food offerings. There is food for sale seemingly everywhere and sure, a lot of it is standard theme park fare, but almost everything seemed to be fresh and high quality. On day one I grabbed a banana and nutella crepe (the most expensive filling at 4.40€) in Klugheim, which admittedly seemed slightly undercooked (it stuck to my paper plate repeatedly) but was tasty nonetheless. We also grabbed a margherita foccacia (4.50€) and actually shared it because it was so enormous. Delcious too, with a lovely grilled cheese topping and so much rich tomato sauce that it was spilling over. I'd probably pick a less saucy option next time, but I'm pretty sure there will be a next time - it was so good! One thing that really caught my eye were the churros, they must be super popular as everyone seems to be wadering around with these vast buckets of the things. We grabbed a box of three to share and that was plenty. Chunky, sweet and perfectly cooked, these were some of the best churros I've had - it was easy to see why they're so popular. As our second day was very warm we picked up some ice cream cones, at a mad price of 1.60€ for one scoop in a waffle cone. ONE SIXTY for incredible rich walnut and caramel ice cream? If I'd known this earlier I would have been surviving on the stuff for both days.
Phantasialand is, without doubt, one of the greatest parks I have ever had the joy of visiting. Though the park may not have as many attractions as other major parks, what it lacks in quantity it more than makes up for in quality. I simply cannot wait to see what they do next, not that they'll need anything new to bring me back. I'll be back the second I can.
Speak again soon,
Claire
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